Victims of domestic violence tell their stories

Monday's killing of UW staff member Rebecca Jane Griego at the hands of her ex-boyfriend triggered memories for some [HTML_REMOVED] memories that may have been dulled and quieted, but remembered nonetheless.

Though these memories refuse to be buried and their resurfacing is often a painful process, they can serve as an important teaching tool. Students, Committee Organizing Rape Education (CORE) volunteers and faculty openly shared stories of abuse and shame last night at the Take Back the Night Rally, with hopes that the days, months and even years of personal suffering won't be completely in vain.

Though the auditorium was only half-filled, the meeting went on for more than two-and-a-half hours and was followed by a candlelight vigil starting at the HUB and ending at Gould Hall, where Griego worked.

The event started a little after 7:30 p.m. with a surprise visit from UW President Mark Emmert, who thanked audience members for taking the time out of their day to show support for victims of abuse, something he referred to as an "epidemic among our society." He said he hopes the community can turn Griego's tragedy into a catalyst for change.

Keynote speaker Jennifer Self, director of the Q-Center, was the first to speak. She prefaced her speech with a warning: She was angry.

"Rebecca did everything we tell women to do," Self said, referencing the actions Griego took in filing a restraining order and warning friends and co-workers about her dangerous ex. "A woman can do everything right, and bad stuff happens anyway."

After a brief speech by KIRO 7 eyewitness news anchor Margo Myers about the importance of talking about difficult topics, the floor was turned to the audience to share their own stories.

There was a pause in the deadly silent auditorium. Then the first speaker went up, and after that about 10 more followed so seamlessly it seemed almost scheduled. A few started off by saying they didn't plan on talking, that they had never shared their experience with friends, let alone an auditorium. But they talked anyway, and whether their hurt was caused from domestic abuse, child molestation, date rape or sexual identity issues, each speaker shared a deeply personal event.

Some had a purpose [HTML_REMOVED] to remind audience members to always be aware of their surroundings. Go to parties with friends and make sure they keep an eye on you if you get too drunk. Always have a designated driver. Stay in well-lit areas.

Others came to the mic to get something off their chest, with the hope of making their secret another's weapon in a potentially dangerous situation.

Sean Keithly, a graduate research assistant in the College of Architecture and Urban Planning, was one of three males to speak. His message to the audience was that domestic abuse is not just a women's issue: "It's an issue for men very much as well.

"As men, we are in a position to take the responsibility to prevent it [violence, specifically date rape] because many of the times, we're in the position to create the problem," he said.

Culturally, Keithly said he feels men aren't accustomed to taking an active role in preventing relationship violence, which is why he thinks attending events such as the one last night is so important.

"Men need to be a part of the community that works to prevent this violence," he said.

Keithly works in Gould Hall. His office is across the hall from where Griego worked. He was late on the morning she was killed [HTML_REMOVED] he always runs late in the mornings and frequently misses his bus. Monday was no exception, and by the time he arrived to work, caution tape was already being put up.

He said he remembers Griego as both an intelligent and reliable co-worker and as a friend.

"Rebecca was extremely intelligent, hard-working and humble," he said. "She did her work quietly, but gave it a dedication few could match. She was a friend absolutely."

Emmert said a scholarship fund will be started in Griego's name. Griego's colleagues in the College of Architecture and Urban Planning are putting together a memorial service for her next week.

Reach reporter Erin Hicks at news@thedaily.washington.edu.